I woke up this morning and looked at the news headline. And there it said, clear as day, "Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize for 2009".
My first reaction was that I must have dozed off for an extended period of time and instead of early October, it must be April 1, 2010 already. I checked all the time pieces at home - that wasn't true.
My next theory was that, maybe, the Onion bought all the newspapers in the world and this headline was its way of announcing it to the world. I have no proof that is not true, but doesn't seem plausible.
So, it must be true then. Why? Maybe it is because, since becoming president, Obama has shut down Guantanamo Bay. Maybe it is because he stopped the illegal occupation of Iraq and withdrew all the troops from there. Or maybe it is because he realized the absurdity of U.S. foreign policy and withdrew troops from all the 100-odd countries that they are stationed in.
Oh wait, he didn't do any of that.
So, there must be other reasons. The main one being, of course, that he is a democratic party leader. That makes sense. And he defeated the evil republican warlord McCain and her comic sidekick Whatshername.
That got me thinking about who the winner will be for next year's Nobel peace prize. Obviously, there are plenty of worthy candidates - Hillary Clinton, Howard Dean, Al Franken (who is just as inexperienced as Obama!) and so on.
However, only one man epitomizes everything that the winners of 2008 and 2009 stood for. And that is... wait for it... Michael Moore! Think about it - he is a democrat, for one thing. If anything, he is even more left wing than your average democrat! And he has made documentaries! Many more than Gore!
I don't see how the Nobel committee can avoid giving Michael Moore the 2010 peace prize. Let me be the first to congratulate him on that achievement.